Rituals of Solitude I

FIrst published 2007-05-24 on my MySpace blog

Current mood: @ melancholy

The memories grew in intensity.The path is long as I did not work much on clearing it. Nor reviewed as often as I should have. At times, years would go by. I am sure that habit lead to the darkness to come. The consuming pitch that cost me dearly. Not only monetarily but also emotionally, sometimes spiritually and always physically. At least it did not drain me. Much.

It was the mental intensity that led to the brute I faced at the top of the cliff.

Above, a snippet from a story which may or may not have been about Clinical Depression (you decide).

Finally diagnosed in 1992. I have dealt with it most of my life.

For famous people with depression (click here)

In some I recognize it. Those who try to hide it.

I wasn't being fashionable. Just blank, dark, surrounded by pain. Barely functioning at work, not so much at home. It was the 90s, I was in the middle of restoring a circa 1885 Italianate Victorian in downtown Nashville (TN). I was at the top of my field. I should have been on top of the world. Depression is hard to explain, even for those who have been there. I have studied it in other's writings, explored it in my own essays.

The best non-fiction book on depression I have found (so far) is "Darkness Visible, a Memoir of Madness" by William Styron (author of "Sophie's Choice'', an excellent book, with dark themes).

The best (fiction?) I have found (so far), which follows a character into the deep, is "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" by Robert M. Pirsig.*

Under control yes, but the brute is nearby.

My thanks goes out to: a great Doctor (Dr. Cynthia Janes, Nashville), two stints with Zoloft (not since 1998 or so, however), as much knowledge and understanding as I can round up, and especially the experience to know what to look for (in myself).

martinlt 2007

* 2024 update, the second best: “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath, for my review click here

I should (and may) write a review on Styron and Pirsig’s books. Give me time to reread them!